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Jamie Rea

Relationships

Why Your Life Will Suck If Your Relationship Sucks

Cause if your relationship sucks, there is absolutely zero fucking chance you’re living in alignment.

 

If you don’t put any work into your relationship, your relationship will suck.

If you take your relationship for granted, your relationship will suck.

If you simply expect your relationship to be awesome, your relationship will suck.

If you take take take from your relationship but never give to your relationship, your relationship will suck.

If you think your career is more important than your relationship, your relationship will suck. And your career will suck also.

And most definitely, if your relationship sucks, your life is going to be ONE GIANT SHITTY SUCK FEST.

THAT IS FOR DAMN SURE.

Yet, there are so many people who just EXPECT awesome relationships without putting the work in to create awesome relationships.

Put it this way: your primary romantic relationship sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.

Actually, let’s reframe that:

YOUR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP SETS THE FUCKING TONE FOR YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE.

It becomes the benchmark for all other relationships in your life.

It’s like if your relational connection is a low-level, toxic, poverty-level connection, YOU WILL LIVE YOUR LIFE IN POVERTY.

But if your relational connection is an upper-class, elite-level connection, YOUR LIFE WILL FEEL RICH AS FUCK.

Sucky Relationship = Sucky Life

Amazing Relationship = Amazing Life

GOT IT?

“Your primary romantic relationship becomes the foundation for your life. So if that foundation is not solid and it is not meaningful and fulfilling, it will have a negative impact on literally every other aspect of your life.”

If you don’t create a great primary romantic relationship at the epicentre of your relational world, you will enter all other interpersonal relationships with low ass expectations.

When you enter with low ass expectations, YOU TAKE SHIT IN RETURN.

You will succumb to toxic relating where people shit talk and ridicule one another.

You will let people walk all over you because you never learned how to set boundaries in your romantic relationship.

You will not know how to connect with other people in a way that truly fulfills you and lights you up because you never learned how to create those conditions with your partner.

Cause, I’ll tell you, if someone has poor relational skills in one area of life, there is zero fucking world where they have a great relationship with their partner.

Cause if we relate at a low-level in one area of our life, we most certainly relate at a low-level in all other areas of our life.

But if your primary romantic relationship is amazing and you connect and communicate at a high-level and bring out the best in one another on a regular basis and help one another feel more seen, heard, understood and respected than anywhere else in the world, you will enter your other interpersonal relationships like an absolute boss setting boundaries and having zero tolerance for those who can’t see you and meet you.

You will have high-level expectations for your relationships where high-level relating and connecting is absolutely mandatory.

If your relationship sucks, it’s likely because…

YOU CHOSE THE WRONG PERSON.

AND ARE STILL TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK WITH THE WRONG PERSON.

AND IF YOU’RE STILL TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK WITH THE WRONG PERSON, IT MEANS YOU DIDN’T HAVE THE RELATIONAL SKILLS TO EVEN BE ABLE TO DISCERN THIS WAS THE WRONG PERSON TO BEGIN WITH.

OR YOU HAVEN’T LEARNED HOW TO CREATE THE CONDITONS TO SUCCEED AT A HIGH-LEVEL IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

OR YOU AREN’T EVEN AWARE OF THE CONDITIONS NECESSARY TO SUCCEED IN PARTNERSHIP SO YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS LITERALLY LIKE TRYING TO THREAD A NEEDLE IN THE PITCH FUCKING DARK.

The crazy thing is that so many people (so many men in particular) expect to have a great relationship just by simply existing in a relationship without actually ever investing into the well-being of that relationship.

They think their end of the bargain is just going to work or building their business and they have this arrogant fucking entitlement that they shouldn’t have to work at their relationship because of the “other ways” they’re contributing.

THIS IS REALLY FUCKED UP.

“If you’re willing to work 12 hours/day at building your business and then 2 hours every single day in the gym working out, but you’re not willing to put the same amount of time and effort into building a great relationship?”

How arrogant is that? You want to get buff and work on your body and make as much money as possible but you just expect your romantic relationship to always BE THERE and BE GREAT?

No wonder your relationship is a GIANT SHIT FEST.

You don’t give it the respect it deserves.

You don’t understand how important it is.

You don’t see the value because you’re so preoccupied with trying to make money and achieve superficial ego-driven power.

Like working at your relationship isn’t a valuable use of your fucking time cause it’s taking away from time you could be spent making money and trying to build more of your artificial and hollow fucking power in the world.

But if you don’t see the value in working at your relationship, your entire fucking world will be pulled out from under you eventually and you will get a massive fucking slap in the face from the Universe waking you up to reassess your priorities.

This is why so many men have a mid-life crisis.

They chase success without ever fucking knowing why they’re chasing success.

They chase results and payoffs of success, while forgoing the importance of the process that brings success.

They do things they think they should be doing instead of doing what they actually want to do.

They do things without actually ever knowing who they are or what they need to be fulfilled and happy.

Cause they think success will fulfill them, until they realize that success without our souls is a hollow destination.

And if we don’t uncover who we actually are, we won’t actually know what we need to feel whole, happy and fulfilled.

And when we keep doing more of what doesn’t make us happy, we often will supress more of ourselves and continue to distract ourselves with MORE OF THE SAME in order to try and will our way to being happy.

So if you don’t actually contribute to the one thing that sets the fucking tone for your entire life, I promise you there will be a reckoning that rocks your fucking world if you don’t reassess your priorities real fucking fast.

If you’re disconnected in your partnership, you will be disconnected in your entire life.

And if you have never valued connection in this way before, you probably won’t even be aware of the degree you’re actually disconnected.

That’s because it’s likely your disconnection in your partnership is because of a disconnection inside yourself.

Either you have zero relationship with your emotions and live on this mechanical auto-pilot of SUCCESS SUCCESS PRODUCTIVITY PRODUCTIVITY or you have a poor relationship with your emotions and have zero awareness about what you actually need, and even if you do know what you need, you don’t have the bandwidth and relational capacity to ask for what you need.

So perhaps you look for other areas of your life to satisfy you where your romantic relationship falls short.

Perhaps you use these other aspects of your life to try and distract you from the fact your relationship doesn’t feel alive or connected.

But every avenue in your life will suffer if your primary romantic relationship is not rock fucking solid.

Your business will suffer.

Your physical health will suffer.

Your mental health will suffer.

Your spiritual alignment will be non-existent.

You will be energetically drained and depleted.

You will suffer creatively.

Your finances will suffer. And even if they don’t, making the money won’t actually make you feel good because you won’t actually be happy. So yeah, your finances will suffer because the money you make will serve as the source that makes you painfully aware of how much your life actually sucks.

CAUSE IF BEING RICH CAN’T MAKE YOU HAPPY??? Then something must really be fucking wrong with you, right?

And your life will be one GIANT SHIT FEST X10.

Cause our romantic relationship is the well that gives all of these areas in your life the energetic fuel they need to prosper.

Cause if your relationship sucks, there is absolutely zero fucking chance you’re living in alignment.

And you will never ever be able to live to your truest potential until you’re living in alignment.

Cause if you were living in alignment you would be connected enough to yourself to be with someone well suited for you and would have the relational skills because of your intimate connection to yourself to be able to create the conditions for a great relationship.

So there is actually zero version of life where someone has a shitty or mediocre relationship but then also an amazing life.

The first and most important prerequisite for a great life is a great relationship.

And if you disagree with me, then I know you have a delusional perception of the importance of personal relationships in your life.

And if you have a delusional perception of the importance of personal relationships in your life, it’s likely you’re disconnected from your emotions, your humanity and who you actually are.

So yeah, your life fucking sucks. Sorry to break the news to you.

“One of the greatest misconceptions men have is thinking that they will achieve their power if they just learn to conquer their emotions.”

Like their emotions are what’s getting in the way of them living their dreams and greatest life.

UMMM NOPE.

The thing that’s getting in the way of your dreams and greatest life is actually believing your emotions are something to be conquered in the first place.

That is a mission that even the Hercules of Emotions would fail at.

Cause our emotions are unconquerable.

We either suppress or avoid them and they drive us unconsciously.

Or we can feel them and work with them consciously.

Cause a man achieves his true power when he surrenders to and feels his emotions all the way through, and then integrates them into who he is.

THIS IS THE PROBLEM: so many people don’t fully understand the true value of learning high-level relational skills and learning how to powerfully connect with their partner.

They’re like: IS THIS GOING TO MAKE MY BUSINESS MORE MONEY?

IS THIS GOING TO MAKE ME MORE SUCCESSFUL?

IS THIS GOING TO MAKE ME MORE FIT? (well yeah, sex will)

IF IT WAS THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP WOULDN’T IT JUST WORK?????

No offense (but actually I really am trying to offend you), if this is what you believe then you’re a tiny little infant child masquerading in the body of a grown adult.

LIKE, “Ummmmm if I have to work at this relationship doesn’t it mean it’s not the right relationship???”

You know, it’s actually not the relationship that is dysfunctional here, it’s just your belief about relationships that is dysfunctional.

“The best relationships are not magically great, they’re great because the people in the great relationships worked at them to make them great.”

It’s the exact same fucking thing as going to the gym or building a business.

You can’t expect to have a ripped, jacked body without working out and eating healthy, right?

You can’t expect to have a successful business that makes a lot of money without working your ass off at building your business, right?

Well, you can’t have an amazing relationship with your partner without working your ass off at nourishing your connection and learning how to better connect with one another.

But so many men fear partnership because you can’t fucking hide from who you are in a partnership.

Relationships are like judgement day for souls – ALL OF US WILL BE REVEALED.

So they avoid what they must do to succeed in partnership because the path to a great relationship means feeling really fucking uncomfortable and really inadequate and lesser than for a long time until you move through those shadowy parts to finally achieve true vulnerable, intimate connection with your partner.

So we avoid the pain that will be revealed in partnership, but as a result, we end up voluntarily suffering.

But the only way to end our suffering is to move through the pain.

Intimate romantic relationship is where we meet ourselves but it’s also where we heal ourselves.

So, when we create great romantic relationships, it means we have had to be courageous and meet all parts of our pain.

And you know what we’re rewarded with for this courageous act?

The most honest, authentic, open-hearted expression of who we truly fucking are.

This is where we find true peace, connection and fulfillment.

When we find this connection to self and others, we connect to our purpose.

When we connect to our purpose, we feel of value to the fucking world, to ourselves, and those who we love the most.

See, our primary relationship sets the foundation and fucking tone for everything else in our life, because the work that will be required of us in creating a great relationship is the work that gives us all the power in the world to create the most honest and inspiring life for ourselves.

“This is why so many relationships suck – PEOPLE TREAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP LIKE A FUCKING DOG THAT SHOULD ALWAYS BE THERE WAGGING ITS TAIL EVEN IF YOU TREAT IT LIKE SHIT.”

NO.

The work you do in your relationship is the work that will open you up to the greatest life you’ve ever known.

That’s because you will have to leave your ego at the door, be humble and connect to your emotions, even if it’s scary and feels foreign to you.

You will have to sit and hold space for the one you love and you will both have to prioritize your connection.

By opening yourself up and creating these conditions in your relationship, you will become the embodiment of your full-blown humanity.

You will be more connected to who you are because you can’t succeed in a relationship without knowing what you need.

And if you know what you need, this will translate to knowing what you need in all other areas of your life.

Knowing what you want on a fucking soul level.

You’ll crave more aligned connections with friends, you’ll move toward business opportunities more in line with your integrity and personal honour code and you will develop a deeper connection to yourself that won’t make it feel like you’re constantly grinding and seeking this unobtainable destination of fulfillment being misguided by your fucking ego.

Because you already have everything you fucking need.

And coming at the world with this type of wholeness and connection to self, the energy you bring to the world will light the fucking world on fire.

You will be happier.

You will have higher quality relationships with friends.

Your business will succeed on a soul fulfillment level and you will make more money than you could ever imagine.

Because you actually love yourself and actually feel you have a shit ton of value to offer people.

But see, you can’t intellectualize your way to a great relationship.

And if you try to, your relationship will fail (or it will stay shitty) and you will not even know why.

You can’t succeed in your romantic relationship with the same mindset that makes you succeed in business or in sports.

You can’t succeed at partnership by only being partially invested.

“Relational connection requires ALL OF WHO WE ARE.”

And it will hold us accountable — by way of a shitty relationship — if we aren’t prepared to give it the level of attention and care it requires.

If you bring that same mentality, you will prioritize being right over being connected.

And the love you share will disappear just as quickly as it came.

And your life will be one GIANT SHITTY SUCK FEST.

I promise you…the greatest life you’ve ever imagined, the life of your wildest fuckin dreams, in EVERY SINGLE AVENUE OF YOUR LIFE, lies on the other side of the work that will be required of you creating a truly great, extraordinary relationship.

 

If you’re looking for some support in your dating and relationship life, you can apply to work with me directly in a 1-1 coaching capacity. APPLY HERE

If you have a dating and/or relationship question but aren’t ready to commit to regular coaching sessions, I have an email coaching service available HERE

 

 

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