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Jamie Rea

Relationships

The Pain Of Letting Go

How did we get here? It wasn’t supposed to end like this.

We had plans. We had dreams. We still had so much to do. I thought we had so much time.

Maybe one day we will meet again. So maybe I should be at peace with letting you go. I should just let the universe do its trick. But baby, I’m afraid we’ll get lost out there.

I want to move on. I want to let you go. But I don’t want to stop missing you. I’m afraid to no longer miss you. It hurts to miss you. I want this pain to stop. But if I let the pain stop then you will be gone.

I know once I move on, what we were no longer will have life, like an ancient stone etched in the ground, you will become history. I’m just not ready to put your memory into the ground just yet.

Baby, I’m just not ready to move on just yet.

Your memory haunts me and comforts me at the same time. I wish I would stop thinking about you all the time. I wish you would leave me alone. But I just can’t give up that comfort your memory gives me at the right time.

I hate that I can’t get you out of my head, but I don’t want you to leave my mind because that’s the only place I still get to hold you as mine.

Baby, I can’t let go just yet.

I can’t see you. I can’t see you and not want you. I’m not strong enough to see you. I’m afraid of what I might find. I’m afraid of feeling everything again and finding a heart that has moved on from mine.

Don’t text me. But getting your text is still the best part of my day.

My heart wants to text you but my body and mind only remind me of what we are now. The space between us scares me. I’m afraid of what new pain might arise. This is why I don’t reply. It hurts too much to talk without knowing I’m your guy.

Baby, I can’t let you go just yet.

I’m afraid that the space between us has made you realize we aren’t right for each other. I’m afraid this space put you into the arms of another guy. I’m afraid I was just another lesson. Just another tough realization that made you tighten up and come clear on what you really wanted. I’m afraid to hear that you’re at peace with our story being over. At peace with the reason we met to serve a single season.

That space between us scares the shit out of me. So I stay here. Allowing the space between us to widen…farther…farther…and farther…until you slowly move out of sight. All I wish is to kiss you goodnight, one last night, before the light, goes out of sight.

Baby, I don’t want to see you because I still need you. I can’t see you and not be with you. I’m just not ready to let go for good, even though every part of me is telling me I should.

I’m sorry baby; I just can’t bare to see you without you seeing me as the center of your world.

Right now I have a perfect image of you in my head. You and me against the world… with hope restored in each other’s hearts…I just can’t bare to see how far apart this time apart has brought our two hearts.

I just can’t. I just can’t let you go just yet.

I can’t sit across from you and wonder what your life is like. Wonder what guy you think about at first rise. What guy’s name you might drop to my surprise. Wonder what guy is behind that new smile that I no longer recognize.

So I play gatekeeper. I’m trying to protect the memory I have of us because I’m not strong enough to finally write the words “The End” to our story. Because then…I know our love story, all its glory goes up in flames, while slowly time puts dust to our names etched inside hearts of bark on trees inside parks…two hearts…goodbyes…forgotten stories.

Baby, I can’t let you go just yet.

I want to text you, “I miss you.” But I hate to say I don’t think you would reciprocate. I’d rather just not know than have my heart broken all over again. Because after all we’ve been through, I still want you to want me.

Baby, I’m sorry, I can’t let you go just yet. I just can’t say I want to see you happy without me just yet.

I can’t cast the anchor. I can’t let the sail fly. I can’t let your memory cast out to sea…too far into the horizon for my eyes to see.

Baby, I can’t let you go just yet.

It’s getting colder now. The sun is beginning to set. I’m not ready to let you go just yet.

Getting over you is like falling asleep.

I’m starting to fall asleep, baby.

I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to fall asleep to your memory because it feels like death. Grab my hand. Hold me a while longer. Baby, I’m not ready to say goodbye.

I’m getting tired. Your voice is softening. You’re getting farther away. Don’t let me go just yet. Don’t let the waves capsize us just yet.

Baby, please wake me.

There are times in the day when I don’t think about you anymore, and I catch myself not thinking about you, and I lose my breath because it scares me to death.

It scares me that I might not miss you one day.

It scares me you might have another story to write.

It scares me someone might be able to love you right.

It scares me that I might be able to get over you.

It scares me that I might be able to be happy without you.

It scares me that I might be able to love someone else as much as I’ve loved you.

It scares me that my dreams might come true without you. I feel it. I feel them coming true. But where are you? I miss you.

I’m afraid I’m losing you.

I’m afraid I’ve already lost you.

It scares me that this is true.

It’s getting dark. Too dark to see. It’s growing quiet. Too quiet to hear. The seas are getting calm. Pretty soon you will be gone.

Baby, I can’t stay awake any longer.

My sail is cast. My anchor is free. Set to sea, only time will see, what the fiery seas of time have in store, for two young passionate hearts who each other adore, for a while in crazy love along the rocky shore.

Baby, I’m not ready to let you go just yet.

But I know it’s time for me to try.

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