Lets face it, just because a girl has a boyfriend, it doesn’t mean she’s going to completely cut herself off from the rest of the male population. She will probably have a few guy friends or close acquaintances that she sees on a fairly regular basis. This is definitely not a problem, but it is a problem when she has that one friend who’s definitely a little closer than is appropriate considering her “In a Relationship” status. I like to refer to this guy as “Disneyland”.
You’re probably wondering, what is Disneyland? First off, it’s a very loose term and it can mean different things to different people. It can be something as simple as a “tempter”, a piece of side-candy that a girl likes to entertain, or “Disneyland” can actually be a guy that a girl has strong feelings for.
For this particular example, lets assume this girl has a strong emotional connection to this guy. He’s a friend of hers, but it’s never been one of those friendships you would ever call strictly platonic. This is the type of friendship that if her boyfriend witnessed her and him talking or texting, he’d probably lose his mind as it would become perfectly clear to him that his girlfriend was harboring a deep emotional connection to this guy. That’s why this girl is usually very coy and secretive about this particular relationship. Perhaps she isn’t even fully aware herself, how inappropriate this relationship is and how much she’s betraying her boyfriend by talking to this person. But she does. She can’t help herself. She is drawn to this person for whatever reason. Particularly if this “feeling”, or “instinct” that’s pulling her towards him has never been fully exercised. He’s that itch that she’s never been single long enough to scratch. Like when we were kids and had dreams of Mickey Mouse ears and water rides, “Disneyland” is always put on a higher pedestal and is more potent in the imagination when you’ve never gone there before.
So for those guys that are reading this and have ever been “Disneyland”, or are currently finding themselves imprisoned as this metaphorical theme park of sorts, there are some important things to be aware of. Firstly, there is a likely chance that her perception of you is very dreamlike and romanticized. This is because she doesn’t really know who you are past all the thrills and fun. She hasn’t endured the time and struggles of a real relationship with you, but merely the bits and pieces of fun and lust that have shaped her picture of you. Secondly, that added element of taboo always inspires a Twilight type romance that most girls are suckers for. So it’s safe to say that she might not know the real you but, sees the glossy, or laminated version of you. Try not to get all high and mighty, thinking you have this girl in your back pocket, when she very well could be suffering from a jaded perception of you.
You also need to understand that you will probably only manifest yourself differently in her life when her relationship is going through some down times. They may have just had a big fight, he’s out of town on some trip she’d wished he hadn’t gone on, or she’s had too much wine and sex talks on a girl’s night out and could use the emotional rush. So you become her roller coaster ride, her Alice in Wonderland dream, that little something to take her away from the daily sludge of her relationship. When she texts you, it doesn’t mean that her relationship is struggling; she most likely enjoys conversing with you and is inspired by your unique insights on things. She definitely likes you, but the feelings she has for you probably won’t shave away the years she’s shared with her boyfriend.
This is why it’s important that you ask yourself this question – can I have this person in my life as nothing more than a friend? Technically that’s all you are and potentially will continue to be, so you need to determine if you can handle her being in your life on those terms. If you can, then go ahead, text with her and enjoy the little bit of her she gives you, but don’t continue to talk and share flirty messages if you have ulterior motives. You will just drive yourself crazy while you wait for her to respond to your messages, knowing very well that she’s not replying right away because she’s with “him”.
If you finally come to the conclusion that you can’t be with this woman on those terms, there are a few things you can do that might turn the tides in your favour, or at least reaffirm that she does feel the same way you do. The fact that you’re single means you have the upper hand to create jealously, considering that you already know she’s in a committed relationship and won’t be hooking up with anyone else. If she asks what you’re up to one particular night, tell her that you’re just getting ready to go meet up with a girl, and if she abruptly turns quiet in the conversation, you know it’s because it bothers her. Just don’t take it far enough that she will be able to laugh at your attempt in making her jealous, but at least take it far enough that she knows you aren’t crying yourself to sleep every night. And if the two of you are going to be at the same social function or party one night, make sure that you show up with a beautiful date who’s high on you and has the obnoxious habit of laughing at all of your jokes really loud. If she tries to cast judgment on the girl you have come with, be sure to call her out and say she has no place weighing her opinion on whom you choose to date.
By creating little jealously ripples like this, you might see her true feelings beginning to bubble at the surface. Maybe now she will finally have to be honest with herself about how she really feels about you, instead of choosing to ignore it and throw it to back of her emotional pile and avoid dealing with it.
Remember, the act of physical cheating is quick and it hurts but it usually runs close to the surface. But the cuts from the silent and deadly act of emotional cheating, like a cut on the bottom of your foot or the palm of your hand, are much more difficult to keep hidden and protected. They’re slow, persistent, and they carve deep into your soul. Not giving up until they rear their ugly head at the surface.
Sometimes “Disneyland” is just harmless entertainment, but sometimes he’s worth much more than a cheap ride and a corn dog.