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Jamie Rea

Better Man

Just Because Someone Has Their Shit Together It Doesn’t Mean They Have The Right Shit Together

We are so focused on simply having a PILE OF SHIT TOGETHER that we don’t ever create THE RIGHT PILE OF SHIT.

 

Majority of people are so worried about having their “shit together” and appearing “competent” and “together” that they would literally rather be halfway down the wrong path than at the beginning of the right path.

Even if their soul is dead inside, just as long as it looks like they’re living well from the outside.

We will literally sacrifice and kill off our fucking souls to avoid looking like lost little fools.

How fucked up is that?

We would rather be dead inside than look stupid.

We’re more worried about our image than our relationship with ourselves.

This fear is the kryptonite of our dreams. It’s the lock that forever holds our best lives captive deep within the confines of our soul.

So we live for social media appearances, job titles and salary expectations. We live our lives for our perfect cocktail party elevator pitch about what we do and what we have.

We live like mannequins, stooping in the pile of shit we’ve created for ourselves and we dare not admit it doesn’t feel as good as it looks.

God no.

The key to that vulnerability and revelation that WE DON’T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE what we’re actually doing gets thrown into the fucking ocean. So we smile, laugh, and tell people how great everything is going, and how happy we are, but deep down we know we’re not fully connected, not fully alive.

But we dare not explore this repressed part of ourselves because it’s going to rock the fucking boat and challenge everything we’ve ever known. This lack of control of self rocks the mother ship of stability that most humans cling to like a life preserver.

This fear is shame protection from revealing our truest selves and not being accepted in our most honest expression in the social sphere we’re apart of, so we force ourselves to fit into whatever container we exist in, even if that container doesn’t actually fit with who we really are.

It’s more important to be accepted and feel like we belong than it is to come fully alive inside ourselves and be looked at differently by our peers.

Truth be told if you run from who you are, no matter where you go, you will never feel like you belong.

I know being a man, part of the problem here is what we associate with ‘masculinity’. Being ‘effective’ and ‘competent’ is more important than being passionate, expressive and in touch with our emotions. So, culturally and socially, men were actually rewarded and reaffirmed for disassociating themselves from their hearts, souls and emotions, and as a result, the truest and most expanded version of who they really are.

“This is what keeps so many men down these tracks of ‘stability,’ ‘safety,’ and ‘practicality’ because appearing ‘unstable’ or ‘incompetent’ would discredit their very perceived level of masculinity.”

This track of behaviour from men is driven from our primitive and biological desire to attract a mate (or several mates), while behaviour associated with your typical manly assertion of power is what women were biologically and socially primed for in return.

 

Success = Power

Money = Power

Power = Recognition & Approval

Recognition & Approval = we’re adding value and contributing something

 

But the over pursuit of approval and recognition is often a sign of an unhealthy relationship with ego. Or ego actually being asserted as a protection over a man’s fear or fear of being shamed for not being enough.

As men, we all desperately want to contribute, be of service and be of value. But the pursuit of contribution is not the problem; the problem is how so many of us go about trying to deliver that contribution.

The paradox here is that because we’re so desperate to contribute and provide something (to avoid our fear of incompetency) we actually rob making an actual true contribution because we never actually uncover who we truly are.

That’s because our purpose and true unique contribution arrives after we meet all parts of ourselves and integrate all that we are.

In fact, oftentimes our purpose lies on the other side of our pain. So, when you disassociate, avoid, or turn away from your pain, you actually turn away from the opportunity to find your purpose as well.

Purpose and true integrated masculine power comes as a result of integrating our shadow (parts of ourselves we avoid or have disowned).

 

OUR UNIQUE CONTRIBUTION TO THE WORLD = uncovering who we truly are (all of our unique gifts and talents) so that we can impact the world and those around us in a way nobody can but us.

“Our Unique Contribution = THE RIGHT PILE OF SHIT.”

But we are so focused on simply having a PILE OF SHIT TOGETHER that we don’t ever create THE RIGHT PILE OF SHIT.

Because finding the right pile of shit is a fucking journey of walking through a lot of the wrong shit. You need to literally spend years treading waste high through so many giant piles of the wrong shit.

The wrong piles of shit are necessary on your shit journey!

Why?

Because only by experiencing the wrong piles of shit are you able to recognize the right shit when it smears all over your brand new fucking boots!

And you’ll be like yup, this is the right shit god damn it!

I knew it the moment I stepped in this shit!

This shit has got my soul written all over it!

I got shit on my boots and it feels fucking great to be alive!

SOME PILE OF SHIT = minimal contribution from a fear mindset

THE RIGHT PILE OF SHIT = maximum contribution from an abundant and courageous mindset

But too many people stop at the first pile of shit they find!

And as a result, their soul eats shit!

The big problem here is that, socially, we reward people for simply creating piles of shit without investigating the actual quality or fulfillment of the pile of shit.

So, we gather greater recognition and approval for creating piles of shit that make our actual souls feel like shit.

This creates so many misaligned piles of shit.

This creates piles of shit that aren’t soul shit.

They’re success for the sake of success shit.

But success without soul investment is a hollow piece of shit with a glittery exterior.

 

The pile of shit trifecta.

 

  1. Marital Status? Married. That sounds like a solid piece of shit to me!

 

  1. You own your own apartment? You don’t just rent? Well I’ll be damned, I know a real quality pile of shit when I see one!

 

  1. You got a good education and a good job (one that I can identify with and isn’t some of that new age social media/online bullshit that I don’t understand/can’t comprehend) that pays you a solid salary? Now that’s a pile of shit I can identify with!

 

“We simply define success but what it LOOKS like from the outside but not actually what it FEELS like from the inside for the people who are living it.”

That person who is married might actually have a shit marriage.

That swanky new condo might be the home of a life that feels lonely and unfulfilling as shit.

That job with the great salary might mean this person you admire works crazy as shit hours and their health is shit because of it and their stress levels are high as shit and they are lost as shit because they had a father that was a piece of shit who forced them to do this shit and never let them decide on the shit that actually made them happy.

See, success isn’t just about creating a pile of shit, anybody can create a pile of shit, that’s easy, the hard part is creating the right pile of shit.

THE RIGHT PILE OF SHIT = TRUE ABUNDANCE

TRUE ABUNDANCE = several piles of aligned shit flying all over the fucking place

Cause you can’t be successful if your soul isn’t engaged in the shit you’re doing.

And you can’t be successful if the shit you’ve created doesn’t make you happy.

Happiness is the currency of soul wealth.

Soul wealth comes from taking a big giant fat fucking shit of the right pile of shit and marking your little skid mark of greatness on the world.

 

I have spent the last 7 years of my life not having my shit together. Cause I was searching for the right pile of shit to build. I was never somebody that could build a pile of shit that didn’t make me feel alive. It took me 7 years of writing almost every day to find my voice. It took me 7 years of allowing myself to be lost in a lack of shit and mostly the wrong shit for me to fully contact the right shit. For me to fully contact my power, my area of genius, my path to greatness.

Trying to create a life that you’re passionate about and a life that feels really fucking good is really fucking hard. I have lived the hell out of it. I have experienced rejection in just about every form. I been to rock bottom more than once. It has been a wild fucking roller coaster. This is why so many people just settle for the first pile of shit they squat on without searching for THEIR SHIT because they can’t bare the thought of not having their shit together. So they take some shit just because of the fear of having no shit.

But it takes risking not having your shit together in order to get the right shit together.

In takes you literally years of crawling through the wrong shit, eating shit and having it spew all over your fucking face before you find the pile of shit you are meant for.

Cause in order to find YOUR SHIT it takes understanding what it means to not have any shit or to be digging through the wrong pile of shit. People that are successful in a way where they have birthed their wildest dreams into the world with intention will understand this. They will have a story unlike anyone. They will have uncovered what is unique about them and maximized success around the unique pile of shit they were destined for.

It takes a lot of courage. It takes being okay with being written off by your peers and those who think you’re fucking crazy and are never going to amount to anything. It takes a literal insane degree of self-belief to be able to commit your life to this itching, and yearning desire in your soul that you are meant for something greater. It takes faith and believing in something greater than yourself. It takes a spiritual connection in your being that can feel the energy of things and allow yourself to be guided by this energy.

I am entering a phase in my life now where the past 7 years of being lost, not having my shit together and digging through the wrong piles of shit is about to pay off in a way that is literally going to be the right shit exploding all over the fucking place like a confetti of magical shit.

To an outsider’s eye – it would appear I was lost, struggling, searching and then I just got lucky. But I have been building and sorting through so much shit for the past 7 years that I should have an undergrad, masters and PHD in SHIT by this point.

But people who judge and make assumptions about your shit are doing so because they don’t feel fulfilled with the pile of shit they’ve created.

I was voluntarily choosing to not have my shit together because I was only worried about having the right shit together. I didn’t care care how my shit or lack of shit looked to others. All I cared about was how my shit felt to me.

THE SHIT OF MY FUCKING DREAMS.

So if you don’t like what my shit looks like from the outside, tough shit, this shit feels good to me in my soul, so you can go and eat shit, shit face.

 

If you’re looking for some support in creating a more aligned, purpose-filled life, you can apply to work with me directly in a 1-1 coaching capacity. APPLY HERE

If you would like some support but aren’t ready to commit to a long-term coaching plan, I have an email coaching service available HERE

 

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