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Jamie Rea

Better Man

8 Ways Going Sober Transformed My Life

When I quit drinking, I told myself that it was going to transform my life. That it was going to change and shift things in a way that I’d never experienced before. I had this hinting suspicion deep down that there was something waiting for me at the end of this experience. Something that was waiting to be uncovered, some truth I would find that would change my life.

 

I am half-a-year sober. While I do plan on breaking my sober streak TODAY as a pre-planned reward to celebrate and enjoy the last two weeks of summer. I successfully reached my goal of half-a-year without drinking in absolute flying colours. I started drinking when I was 15 years old. I’m 31 now. And in my 16 years of drinking, the longest I’d previously gone without drinking is a month, so to pull of half-a-year is a huge achievement.

When I quit drinking, I told myself that it was going to transform my life. That it was going to change and shift things in a way that I’d never experienced before. I had this hinting suspicion deep down that there was something waiting for me at the end of this experience. Something that was waiting to be uncovered, some truth I would find that would change my life. And my god was I right. My life has begun to COMPLETELY transform. In ways that, at the time, I could have never predicted or even fathomed.

Before I get into it, lets quickly cover a few of the major things that have transpired during this past half year of me being sober.

  • I wrote my first feature-length movie, an animated movie, which I wrote in 48 yours in a spiritual creative download where I did not plan anything or stop to think about what I was writing but wrote via direct transfer from my imagination to the page (I wrote the entire movie by doing the voices of every single character).
  • I had a complete creative breakthrough and have about 8 different large film projects that I’m either currently writing or outlining
  • I went on a gut cleanse and changed my relationship to what I put in my body
  • I quit coffee and sugar for 2 months
  • I have been sick this entire time because of mold/moisture in my apartment (which until just recently I thought was just a chronic sinus infection), which led me to put my 60-day notice on my apartment and uproot my living situation
  • I met a woman who has had the greatest impact on my life out of anyone I’ve ever met to date
  • I had a full on Spiritual Awakening (more on this later)
  • I decided to become a relationship and life coach
  • I launched my online coaching business and got my first clients
  • I made a decision to move and uproot my entire life (prompted by my apartment situation, I will be moving cross country in early October) which has shifted my entire soul being into complete alignment
  • I came into full contact with my gifts, purpose and divine assignment (hence the Spiritual Awakening)

Alright phew! Those changes were even just exhausting for me to write! But not that you’re up to speed with a little of what’s happened…lets dive right into the details of the 8 ways going sober has transformed my life.

 

Friend Filtering & Building An Aligned Community

I’ll be honest…I had friends who completely stopped messaging me after they found out I was no longer drinking. It’s like they didn’t know what to do with me anymore because our prior friendship existed entirely upon alcohol. On the flip side, there are friends I actually became closer with because of me not drinking. In my view, me quitting drinking was kind of like a friendship test to see which connections were the strongest and the ones where we have the most resonance with each other.

Additionally, it actually changed the way I socialize. I avoided social settings like bars and large parties for the most part. Rather opting to use avenues like brunches, coffee dates, dinners, activities, events and daytime activities to socialize. This actually brought me back to experiences when I was a kid, before alcohol was even in the picture. We hung out and socialized in large groups all the time, growing up, without alcohol. We just played. Did shit. Laughed. Hung out. And then we got older and booze became this central focal point for socializing. I started to see socializing from this new, simplistic viewpoint, that when you are drinking with people, you are doing the EXACT same thing you’re doing when you hang out with people when you’re not drinking, you just have an alcoholic beverage in your hand. While such a simplistic view, it actually made me realize that alcohol is not nearly as necessary to the degree in which we’ve learned to rely on it.

Through this viewpoint I actually began to really see clearly which friends were deep soul friends, verses those who were just a companion to accompany me on our respective journeys to get liquored up. Quitting alcohol – after you had a social life that revolved heavily around alcohol for so many years – forces you to focus on a small inner circle of friends whom you share a deep connection to and actually have a like-minded vision and goals for your future. Your socializing becomes less about the frivolous and the non-essential, and more about a deeper connection. Thus, you become extremely cognoscente about the people and influences who you choose to surround yourself with and invest your time and energy into.

You want to surround yourself with people who are energy amplifiers to your life direction, not energy vampires trying to suck the wind out of your sails. This is something that became really clear with the resistance that would come up with certain friends. For some people, me quitting drinking was something hard for them to understand so they would be a bully about it or straight up think I was ‘weird’ or ‘boring’ for not drinking. While there are other friends who completely respected it and actually thought it was awesome that I was choosing to go without it for a while. The energy I felt from certain friends about my non-drinking is something that really put an accurate lens on the true essence of that friendship and clarified whether that person’s energy is something I want in my life moving forward.

Through the process of friend filtering and focusing on fewer, more quality connections, this sober period really made me aware of the importance of building an aligned community of people who are headed in a similar direction. When you go sober for that long of a time, it really puts into perspective the types of influences you’re choosing to surround yourself with and whether or not they’re the healthiest and best influences to carry you forward to the next level of your life.

It made it clear that I need to level up my community if I want to be able to achieve the ambitious dreams and goals that I’ve set for myself. I need to find more friends that are doing similar things to what I’m doing but at a way higher level than I am. What happens so often is that we just fall into friend circles by circumstance or convenience (particularly when we move to a new place), rather than very carefully, very selectively, very consciously choosing an aligned community of people who improve the vibration of our life and those who we can actually learn from and become better by knowing.

In summary: me quitting drinking trimmed some of the friend fat and help me set a strong intention to level up my community with energy amplifiers.

 

Newfound Dedication To Self-Care

Heading into 2018, one of my major goals was to improve my health and dedication to my self-care. My health issues (created by my living situation) started at the end of 2017, so it was clear that self-care and health were going to be major themes during this sober period. On top of my sinus and congestion issues, I started having issues with my stomach from an influx of high acidic food and drinks. This was another major reason that prompted my decision to stop drinking for a while. My lifestyle, my relationship around alcohol, was actually beginning to affect my health and I was noticing things happening inside of my body because of an unhealthy lifestyle. So, I knew that something had to shift bigtime because I was physically feeling like shit all the time, which began to take a major hit to my mindset and mental health.

For me, my personal health and energy levels are SO important to my personal happiness. I want to feel great in my own body, full of energy and ready to roll in order to dive into my creative projects with lots of energy so I can create at the level I want to create. And as soon as I don’t feel right in my body, I get thrown off track and my mindset can very quickly alter into that of negativity and high stress levels. When you feel great in your body, you naturally take on more of an abundance mindset with infinite possibilities for your life and direction that you’re headed.

It’s amazing how when we fall off the wagon with good momentum in our self-care routine, that inner critic inside our heads becomes louder and more hostile than normal. We tend to live in this vicious cycles of self-hatred because we feel that we’re sabotaging ourselves for short-term pleasures that are actually sacrificing our long-term vision and happiness. It’s like why we binge eat or eat shitty food all the time, because we want to feel good THIS SECOND. It’s trying to fill an emotional need that we’re not getting in other places. So, a sabotage of a proper self-care routine usually means that we’re trying to avoid an emotional wound in another area of our life or the inner critic inside our heads has become so loud and harsh that we have to turn to those short-term vices (drugs, alcohol, food) to drown out the inner critic with a fast-acting, momentary pleasure.

I knew that in order to set myself up with the proper energy and momentum in my life to gain the types of experiences I want to experience in order to live my best life, I was going to have to build momentum with my health and self-care regiment. There’s this innate confidence and strong sense of self that just exudes from someone who feels good inside of themselves, physically, but also mentally because they’re living in harmony with their truest self and making healthy choices that reflect that.

If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything. And the happiest and most successful people on the planet are those who invest heavily into their own self-care and personal well being on a daily basis. Because, if you don’t feel good inside of yourself, you have nothing left to give to the world.

 

Face Every Aspect Of Your Life Head On

This extended sober period really made me aware of how much I was self-medicating on some level. Not even just simply with alcohol consumption, but choosing to avoid facing certain areas of my life, certain aspects that were contributing to my unhappiness. When you aren’t drinking (and you don’t smoke weed or do other drugs), you literally have no vices to escape or numb yourself. You have to face yourself head on. You have to stare at your shit square in the face and come to terms with it. This can be painful. It can be uncomfortable. But it can also be empowering. You have to sit with yourself and really sit with the areas of your life and parts of your soul that are torn up and disconnected.

For myself, personally, this really forced me to face the truth inside myself of how I was really feeling about things. It forced me to really self-evaluate where I was at, deep in my heart and soul. To be honest: I realized how unhappy I was. The way I’d constructed my life in certain areas was not fulfilling me. I felt isolated. I felt alone. I knew that something had to change. Something had to give. Because the the way that I was currently living was no longer going to work for me. Going sober gave me the sobering realization that I had had to change and transform my life if I wanted to be happy.

  • I was self-sabotaging myself with a poor self-care routine and poor personal health
  • My mental health and mindset was negative and one of scarcity and limitations
  • I was living with some deep, underlying unworthiness that was keeping me caught in this redundant cycle of self-destruction via my inner critic that wasn’t letting me find the pathway to abundance to achieve my ambitions
  • I was dissatisfied with my community and starving for deeper levels of connection with more  aligned people
  • I was restless in my soul and needed to find a new way of being to establish more peace inside myself
  • I was constantly caught between living in the past and future, but not the present moment where true happiness and peace-of-mind are cultivated

One of the greatest gifts that this sober period gave me was the most honest evaluation of my life ever. No punches being saturated by alcohol and vices to numb myself. Just the sobering truth that was being revealed by my truest self, by my soul of what it needed to feel full, to feel nourished and at peace with itself. While it was difficult to come to terms with some of these areas and these parts of myself, the discomfort of its arrival also started to present a pathway to healing, a pathway to my higher self that would finally break old patterns that kept me confined to lower levels of my potential self.

 

Improved Willpower, Boundaries And Self-Worth

One of the most applicable and fastest ways to enhance your self-worth is to quit a toxic habit for an extended period of time. Think of it like lent for your self-worth. Think of the amount of people who regularly engage in a toxic habit but wish that they didn’t. Like people who smoke obviously wish that they didn’t smoke because of the health risks. So, essentially they’re engaging in this thing that makes them feel good (short-term) but actually fills them with shame (long-term). So, if you’re able to successfully quit a toxic habit and live in complete accordance to self, you naturally enhance your self-worth, strengthen relationship to self and empower yourself to make positive decisions towards improving your life.

I actually find that this is a very effective strategy for when it comes to dating. So, for anyone who’s single (or in a relationship, it doesn’t matter), if you can successfully quit a toxic habit for a period of time, you’re naturally going to enter the dating field with clearer boundaries and a greater sense of self. That’s because this affirmation to make positive choices for yourself, gives you more empowerment to say “NO” to things that aren’t aligned with you. This will translate to you being less susceptible to wasting time with the wrong people because you’re more connected to yourself and have built more resolve within yourself to not indulge low-value activities/people that take you away from your higher self.

Even in a relationship, the ability to say “NO” to a toxic habit is going to translate to you to being more inclined to take ownership for your faults (rather than living in a delusional state of denial. IE. Someone who has an addiction but is not ready to admit that to themselves or anyone else), as well as operate within more closely defined boundaries of what will and will not work for you. All of this are going to invite your partner to join you in higher level choices, communication, and overall, a higher quality relationship.

I have always been the guy who was a people-pleaser and would often say “YES” even if I actually meant “NO”. This translated in relationships to me ignoring my intuition and getting involved with people who I knew deep down were not the right people. Being able to follow through with my sober commitment definitely improved my ability to say “NO” to things/experiences I don’t actually want to do, or weren’t in agreement with me. This quietened the voice of the inner critic because of less self-sabatoge and developed a higher appreciation of self.

Being able to follow through on my sober commitment also showed me just how strong my willpower actually is, which empowered me to continue to make more positive choices that will continue to enhance my life and take me closer to my higher self on a long-term, big picture scale.

 

Complete Clarity

By far the biggest game-changer during this sober period was the degree of clarity I saw things. It was insane just how clear everything became all of a sudden.

This all started with the crazy dreams that I began to have at the beginning. They say that weed and alcohol kills the dream chemical that causes us to dream in our sleep. It’s not like I never had dreams while I was drinking, but the vivid dreams that I started having were fucking insane. Like deep, deep mummy tomb slumbers where you feel like you’re paralyzed and are in this crazy Willy Wonky world. They kept happening night-after-night as well, even if I’d wake up in the morning and fall back asleep for a quick little hour. BAM! I’d have my craziest fucking dream that would blow my damn mind!

After that, I began to see opportunities in places that I’d never seen before. I was open to those subtle nudges and messages that the Universe was sending me in a way that I’d never been privy to before. For so many years I tried to force my vision on the Universe. I was fixed. Stubborn to a particular way of things working out. And no matter what was presented to me by the Universe, I’d still try and hammer home my vision even if I the Universe was giving me a star and my vision was a diamond.

But that changed. I started to listen for the first time in my life. And I started noticing the way I saw things shifting. I really began to ramp up the consistency on posting relationship articles and relationship content to social media. I went deeper and more honest than I ever had before. The lines between my mind and soul were free flowing with inspiration and authenticity. And I started receiving this continuous flow of emails, DM’s and messages from people telling me how much my articles were moving them, inspiring them and helping them in their journey. They kept coming. Message-after-message. I kept writing. Kept creating. And these messages of affirmation from others telling me that they needed and wanted my message, my truth, kept dropping into my orbit. In a way that I’d never experienced before. I don’t know whether the messages were more frequent now, or perhaps my lines of communication with the Universe were just in better connection now.

Because before this period, I don’t think I would have received its message with the clarity in which I did. I recognized that I was being guided somewhere. I realized the Universe was calling me to do something. Whether I was ready for it or even wanted to do it, I was being chosen to do something. And I started to listen. I started to understand what was happening. Before my stubborn ego would have have consciously avoided this message and stayed married to its own vision, without flexibility, but the clear state I was operating in made the calls too loud for me to ignore. Too precious and sacred to shove to the side. So I didn’t, I moved toward the call with an open heart and a soul ready to be in service to what I was being called to do.

“I chose to surrender. This surrendering brought me into full contact with my power. My power to transform. To ignite. To inspire. To move those around me with my message.”

I recognized an opportunity in a way that I never would have been able to before.  What was that opportunity? That I could make a living helping people. That whether or not I even understood it, this was what I was supposed to do. So I just leapt and trusted the call.

So I decided to become a life coach and relationship coach and create educational programs around the lessons I learned from my own pain and failures. I will be releasing my first educational courses this fall. And I’ve already coached a few people and actually helped them achieve breakthroughs. Over the course of the next 8-9 months I will be launching my online coaching business in a very big way with the vision to transform people’s relationship to themselves, their paradigms of what they believe to be possible and their relationship to the ones they love.

I’ll give you a little sneak preview: the energy I feel inside to sit in service of other people to help them improve their lives is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. I feel an immense amount of responsibility and gratitude to be called to do this type of work. It’s like taking natural heroine every day. And I genuinely and compassionately want to serve people, in a way that feels like I’m accessing a light to my essence, in complete disregard of ego. Very quickly it’s instilling the type of peace and compassion into my heart that I’ve always yearned for, but never been able to experience.

 

Spiritual Awakening

Yup! You guessed it! The clarity in which I began to see things is what has propelled a full on spiritual awakening!

I know there are probably some of you who will understand what I mean when I say “spiritual awakening” without me having to say anything about it or explain it.

And then of course, there will be other people who scoff and roll their eyes because they don’t believe in this kind of shit. It’s not a part of their paradigm and something they believe to be “placebo” or “woo woo fairy tale bullshit” that is only available for delusional forest fairies who live in altered realities and wear bark to cover their nips and genitals and wash their hair with fucking sap. So, it’s just not information or an idea that they can even listen or receive with any semblance of an open mind.

Well, I’m the one who this is happening to. And I don’t give a shit how pragmatic you are, this is happening to me, it’s very, very real, and it’s fucking magical and I feel sorry for you if you don’t believe in this kind of thing.

“Someone recently told me that a spiritual awakening is like coming home. Coming home to yourself. Coming home to the person you’ve always been. The person you were always supposed to be. It’s like you’ve been wandering through this life aimlessly, lost, trudging, trekking and then off in the distance you finally spot your warm log cabin with smoke spewing from the chimney.”

For so many years I was trekking though the jungle. Bush whacking. Discovering. Failing. Learning. Trying. And then this period of clarity revealed my yellow brick road home to the heart of who I am and who I was always meant to be. It’s shifted me into complete alignment between my mind, body and soul, which has created this free flowing state of synchronicity between my heart and mind. An awakening is like gaining full access to your spirit, to your light, to the essence of YOU. This experience can be overwhelming. Intense. Confusing. Scary. Uncomfortable. Exciting. Inspiring. And completely and utterly joyful.

It can also be kind of sad because you understand that certain parts of you are dying in order for these new parts of you to be born. Because an awakening is going to change, shift and alter the course of your life by recalibrating your body to a new, higher vibration in order for you to live at your new state of enlightenment.

An awakening puts you in full contact with your gifts and talents. Your life purpose. Your power. The full scope of which you can impact and affect people. Your paradigm shifts from a scarcity model to that of infinite possibilities. You literally feel like you can do anything and everything you see for yourself. Your wildest ambitions come into clear focus because you can literally feel the full flow of your GOD FORCE pumping through your heart and spirit. You not only feel it inside of you, but the Universe is also gifting you with real world manifestations and constant confirmations that all that you see is actually possible. That’s because when you operate from such a place of abundant soul fire, the Universe begins to respond and tilts in your favour because it can sense the aligned magic that is stewing and brewing inside of you like a majestic soul rocket headed right for the fucking sun of possibility.

“During an awakening everything becomes clear. Your path becomes clear. Your divine assignment (life’s work) is revealed. And all the bullshit just washes away. All the non-essentials. The energy you want to surround yourself with becomes clear. You see perfectly which connections and energies will serve your soul, verses those that will poison your soul.”

It’s also during this time where I have been able to make contact with my psychic nature. The clarity in which I feel the energy of others has been profound. I have come into contact with people and have literally been able to feel what they’re going through all the way, deep inside of my body. I can hear someone’s voice, listen to the way they talk and understand what is happening inside of them without them having to say anything. Additionally, the amount of honesty combined with sheer compassion that I feel I am being led by has been profound, at times emotionally overwhelming.

I have always been a spiritual person. I have always admired people who had strong faith/spiritual embodiment in their life. I always wanted it. I just never knew exactly how I wanted to embody it. But through this period, I have gained FULL CONTACT with my spiritual nature and realized exactly the type of life I want to have. I want to live a spiritual life. And when I say a ‘spiritual life’ I mean a life where you’re continuously surrendering to soul, to truth. That your divine purpose within self is to continue to stay within alignment to maintain synchronicity in self and continue making contact with your higher self. And the more and more you continue to peel away at that truth, the closer you get to true divinity and enlightenment.

This has led to some major life shifts. It’s like my heart and soul are finally getting rid of everything that has been holding it back from happiness and running towards everything it needs to be nourished, at peace, full of love and light. This shift has led to me putting in my notice on my apartment and making the decision to uproot my life and move across the country in a couple month’s time.

Before I used to MAKE decisions. But this time I decided to FEEL a decision. I decided to surrender what was already inside of me. Surrender to my subconscious, allowing it to reveal my path to me. Let it guide me and trust that it would all become clear in time. Crazy thing is: I always knew what the answer was all along. It was just about me shifting into this awakening and state of clarity to gain enough access and confidence into my intuition and heart to be able to step and lean into this shift.

This awakening led to me making one of the most important heart decisions of my life that is going to alter the course of my life into its most beautiful state of abundance its every experienced. I’m fucking psyched.

 

Creative Downloads

It won’t be a surprise that perpetuated by this clarity and spiritual awakening I have gained access to my imagination and creative fires in ways like never before. I actually wrote my first feature-length movie, an animated movie about the life of sperm, in a 48-hour binge-writing, spiritual, creative download. I had nothing planned except a world that I saw in my head. And I sat down at my computer, nothing written down and began to do a direct download without hardly taking a break until the entire movie was finished. I was literally coming up with the entire story and direction on the spot. I had no control. I was being guided by something. The angels and muses of inspiration were in charge and I was simply a vessel to bring it to life.

On top of my breakthroughs to start my online coaching business, work with clients 1-on-1 and develop relationship educational courses, I’ve come up with the most amount of great screenplay ideas during this sober period than any other time in my life. I’m now in the process of writing/outlining 6 large film projects, including 2 feature films, a web series, 2 TV shows and a short film, which I will now be working on developing through 2018 and 2019.

For me there have always been two major passions: relationships and film. Before I was always torn, confused, that I had to choose one or that I would be spreading myself thin by trying to do both. I never quite understood how they worked together and what their purposes were and how they interacted with one another at some level. But through this awakening I now understand how they work in tangent with the other and how they’re in service of one another. As one begins to shift into state of abundance and growth, so will the other. And through all the inner work I’ve done during this time, I can directly see that path inside my heart and soul of how that needs to unravel. I realized I don’t need to choose, but I’m actually supposed to do both. And the more I continue to flow into alignment, the more those answers will continue to be revealed to me.

 

Achieved A New Level Of Self-Mastery

Finally, this sober period has helped me achieve new levels of self-mastery. It’s allowed me to do this through strengthening my relationship to my intuition. I have learned how to tap into my subconscious regularly, to make contact with what my heart and soul needs. By improving and growing this relationship to your intuition, you’re able to receive a clearer pathway to what you need to feel good inside of yourself. By having to sit with yourself in clarity for an extended period of time, you been granted clear eyes and ears to your higher self.

This can initially lead to discomfort because you realize all the ways in which you’re torn, broken and disconnected. But it’s also the most precious gift because you have been given your own personal, direct pathway to heal yourself. To align itself on a course of nourishment and peace.

Being privy to this type of introspection, allows you to reconstruct and redesign your thoughts and your life in a way to heal yourself and propel your life to a higher vibration.

“Additionally, this revelation of the subconscious also has taught me how to consciously think about my thoughts. To be weary of them. To actively design the positive thoughts of possibility to permeate my consciousness, while learning to consciously steer away those negative thoughts that come barging into your head to try and take you off your centre and steer the mind and body into an immediate stress response.”

Success is an inner game first. The most successful people on this planet are those who first learned how to master themselves. Learned how to master their thoughts. Learned how to make their subconscious, conscious. And construct and design their thought patterns in way that brings favourable experiences into their life. The kind of experiences that are going to lead them towards their divine assignment. The assignment that ultimately ignites the GOD FORCE within them.

 

I had a hinting suspicion that going sober would change my life. And it did. Without a shadow of a doubt it did. It changed and altered the course of my life in a magical, transformative, spiritual way. Perhaps it was simply changing a habit that opened the vault to a new way of thinking. Or maybe it was divine intervention showcasing its magical powers to me. I am in a Year 7 of my numerology life cycle, where big shifts and changes are supposed to take place and everything from your past that hasn’t been dealt with comes up to the surface.

If things aren’t working for you right now. If you feel stuck or in a rut in some way. If you aren’t happy with the results you’re getting in your life. Then you very well could be like me, in need of a shake up to breed a new way of being. Quitting a toxic habit and truly following through and leaning into it with every part of your being, can completely be the flame that ignites the fire of change inside of you that you’re looking for.

Just don’t go into it expecting to have a full blown spiritual awakening. But hey, speaking in the realm of infinite possibility, it’s totally a possibility.

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